Life is Hard
by kingsmexy
Summary: Sorry I made a mistake last time! This should be the correct story! This is an introspective Kagami story which means it mostly happens in her memories and thoughts.


**It's been awhile since I posted anything in this fandom. I kind of got a little inspiration by some a-holes on the internet. This is a more realistic story. I'll leave it at that and see how people enjoy it. PLEASE REVIEW (Even though this is only a oneshot)**

* * *

><p>I don't know when it began. Heck, I don't even know why. I know how we met, but I don't know when it was that my heart first began to race. I was in denial for so long, passing it off as just a motherly thing. She was cute and adorable like a kid. It had to be a motherly thing.<p>

No way was I gay.

I told myself that how many nights? I couldn't even count that high if I wanted too. It was just such an absurd thing. I was the daughter of a priest. I just couldn't be gay. Maybe curious, but not gay.

I remember the first time I realized it. I was hanging out at her house, with my twin sister – Tsukasa - and another one of her friends, during the summer. It was hot. There was no AC. We were all sweating and crammed in front of the fan, making robotic noises. She pulled down her light blue tee to let the air go down her shirt, and I just stared. I stared right down her shirt. Her braless chest exposed. I just wanted to touch them. To hold them.

I made up some excuse and managed to convince Tsukasa to leave with me. I think I said something about summer homework, but I couldn't tell you that for sure. I just remember her. Seeing her breasts over and over. I don't even know what I did the rest of that day _that's_ how bad it was.

Still I didn't accept that I was gay.

No, I _couldn't_ accept it.

I tried to avoid her, but that damn blue-haired otaku freak of a girl would appear. It was almost like she knew and was doing it to make me suffer, and I gladly let her.

I tried so hard to go back to how things were before. The casualness of our conversations, not misinterpreting everything she said as something sexual, and the ability to just hang out.

Sure, we weren't on the best terms a lot of the time then. We had our fights, our scuffles, and our grudges, but they were better than this. I would buckle to almost everything she asked. '_Want to go to the manga store?' _Sure. 'Will you _wear this costume?' _Sure.

Everyone kept asking if I was alright, and I'd shrug it off, saying I was too tired to care.

I did care though. I wanted to see her smile. _I_ wanted to make her smile.

It was all so cliché. Like out of a cheesy romance novel. Except I was a girl. Albeit, a boyish one, but a girl nonetheless.

Nobody even talks about being gay here. It was something that didn't exist. Anytime it was mentioned was as a joke or a slur; it wasn't a thing to worry about. No kid I knew was afraid that they were gay. They were afraid they'd fail their history exam or maybe English, but not being gay.

I wish that was all I was worried about.

I was good at school after all.

But here I was, fawning over my best friend like some creepy guy.

I even confessed to her while she was asleep at my house. That's fine and dandy, except my dad heard. After that Konata wasn't allowed over anymore. In fact, no one was. My dad took it a little harshly. He was fine with gays and lesbians, but _he_ did not have a lesbian daughter. _He'd_ done nothing to deserve this.

Word spread really quickly after that.

It turns out the shrink my dad was taking me to was a classmates dad. I guess doctor-patient confidentiality doesn't matter anymore, for he told his son.

The rooftop became the only place I could eat without being badgered too much, so I stopped seeing my friends. My locker was decorated with pretty words: dyke, fag, lesbo, and more slurs; the other girls wouldn't even let me use the ladies room.

A few times I saw my sister and old group watch me with pitying eyes, but I knew they would not approach. I wouldn't let them if they did try.

However, one week after this all started I was in my room trying to sleep when a series of pebbles were tossed at my window. Low-and-behold, Konata was there. I ignored her.

It got difficult to ignore on the third night, so against what my dad ordered, I snuck out to see what she wanted.

She stood hidden in my backyard, huddled in a dark hoodie that looked twice her size. I'd expected her to ask if it was true though I am sure Tsukasa had already confirmed that, but she handed me a notebook. She said five words, and I broke out in tears.

"Let me copy your homework?"

Something I so hated became precious to me. Every night she'd come by and just sit there copying my homework. Neither of us would say anything, but it was the only time I was happy. I could have sworn at times I saw Tsukasa peek out her window, but never once did she say anything to me.

That was until one night she didn't show up. I'd gotten into the habit of waiting for her to appear and meet her down there. Come midnight and she wasn't there and eventually I went to bed around two am. I was angry, so the next two nights I didn't go out there. There was also no rocks thrown at my window.

I began to feel bad, and after looking for her at school to no avail, asked my sister if anything had happened.

I felt like a fool.

She'd caught a cold and had been out of school. Her dad didn't know why, but I sure did. I'd forgotten that while she was tougher than anyone I knew, she still got sick easily.

With my father yelling at me, I left the house and went straight to the Izumi household.

Her father answered the door, and he looked like a mess. He might've been up for the last two nights taking care of her. I apologized to him without an explanation and darted to Konata's room where she lay on her bed with manga in hand. Her nose was all red and puffy and her eyes were droopy, and she looked so cute and vulnerable. However, I was mad.

"You idiot!" I remember yelling along with a couple other names. "You big idiot," I was on the verge of tears, "You knew you'd get sick!"

She just gave me her typical smile and replied "Hey Kaga-min~"

I grabbed her manga book and just started hitting her with it. This time I was crying and still yelling. "Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! You stupid otaku!" I was just saying anything that came to mind though it was mostly just the word idiot.

She waited for me to run out of breath before speaking again.

"I've got a lot of homework to catch up with, can I copy yours?

I hit her again.

"Is that a no?"

Again.

"Yes?"

"Yes…" I mumbled in return. "You can always copy my homework, you stupid-idiotic-tiny-annoying otaku."

She sat there in quiet with me leant up against her bed. I didn't mind it. She went back to reading her manga, and I watched her. Her hair gently moving as her tiny face scanned the page. The slight smile as she read things that were funny. The little pout as she reached the end, and she had to reach over and get a new one. They were all adorable.

At one point, I heard my dad at the door. There was a little bit of yelling between her dad and mine before the door was shut.

I didn't even care.

In fact, I didn't care about anything else but this room. It was all so nostalgic and so comforting.

"You know I am in love with you?" I said with a boost of confidence.

She flipped to the next page. "Yeah." For once she didn't tease me, or make some joke.

"Does that disgust you?"

"No."

She was actually really quiet considering, but then again I was pretty unusual as well. I was speaking my mind and not hiding behind some tough girl act.

"Would you go out with me?"

She flipped the page again while my heart sat in my throat. "I don't know."

"W- Want to try?"

"Sure."

Nothing changed. We just sat there with her reading manga and me petting her hand. The world didn't end, nor did it suddenly get better. I was happier for sure.

My dad did not relent. My school didn't stop bullying me. Life didn't stop sucking. That weekend, after she got better, was our first date to go see a movie. Two dates later was our first kiss.

It's been five years since that exact day in February. I'm surprising her with that movie, but that isn't the only surprise.

Let's just say there is a small felt box in my pocket, and I'm on my last nerves.

* * *

><p><strong>So did you enjoy it? Please tell me so in a review.<strong>


End file.
